Wednesday, November 16, 2016

15. News to a Cynic



            Cari Pollack met Horace Dunderpill in the hallway on her way to the status meeting.
            “Can’t stand these meetings,” she said. “We waste so much time.” She noticed that Horace wasn’t walking in the right direction. “Aren’t you coming?”
            “Yeah in a minute,” said Horace and flashed her his signature crooked half smile. “I’ve got a mission first.”
            He opened his hand to show her a large spotted moth.
            “Found him under my desk.”
            Cari peered at the powdery wings, the furry body, the filigreed fern-like antennae. There was a light in Horace’s eyes as he loped toward the elevator. She continued to the meeting room thinking he was just trying to get out of a little meeting time. That bug would have been so squashed and tissued if she’d found it.
            “We’ve got to sell more services,” intoned Jed Smythe, Head Assistant Branch Manager. “It’s not enough just to have a bank account. It doesn’t serve the bank. We need customers to invest!” He scanned the less than enthused employees around the conference table. “Therefore, everyone will have a quota of selling five bank services a month.”
            No one was smiling as they filed out the door. Except for Horace with his crooked grin. Jim Lorring rolled his eyes and wondered what he was ‘on’.
            Cari’s cubicle was catty-corner to Horace. She entertained a fetish of sorts. She liked to watch his activities whenever possible since she started to notice his odd practices. She would catch him gazing feelingly at the photo of a woman on his desk several times a day. His girlfriend? Daughter? Cari thought he looked kind of ageless and nondescript. Maybe it’s a decoy, she thought.
            Horace sat busily jotting something down, in green ink Cari noted. He wrote with green ink in a small notebook kept in his top desk drawer. Notes for his Bookie? A blackmail record? Food journal? Was he a company snitch spying on them all?
            At five the daily populace of Sanborne Bank headed for cars and mass transit. Horace whistled his way to his 2005 Honda Civic. What’s he got to be so happy about wondered Lindy Moore as she climbed into her Prius sport coupe. He wasn’t rich in the financial or social sense as far as she could see. His obvious contentment irritated her.
            The next morning fresh rolls and bagels appeared in the lunch room. Cari knew it was Horace doing what came naturally, spreading some kind of artificial cheer that no one else could fathom. He was writing in his notebook again.  She couldn’t stand it a moment more.
            “Horace, mind if I ask you something?”
            “Hmm? Sure Cari what’s up?”
            “Something’s up with you. Now don’t get me wrong but I can’t help noticing things you do since we’re in such close proximity. There’s a rumor going round that you don’t hate your job, you know, like the rest of us who’re just waiting till we find the next something better. Why is that? Who are you?”
            Horace let out a long full-throated laugh. “My cover’s blown! And I thought that I was off the radar all this time.”
            “OK Horace, just tell me what you’re doing here. Are they missing personnel at the North Pole?
            Again Horace closed his eyes and laughed.
            “You wanna know what keeps me afloat? I’m not that interesting, Cari, you need to get a hobby. I have a little system in place that doesn’t let me forget why living is so desirable. I got tired of reviewing all the ways that life does me wrong and started keeping a log of benefits.”
            “I have a notebook in my desk. It was inspired by where I work. It’s a bank after all. I already sold myself my first banking service that outweighs the brownie points I’ll get if I can sell five every month.”
            Horace took out the book and opened to a random page. Green inked dates were in a column on the left and short paragraphs were on the right.
            “This is my emotional bank account. I keep track of the little things that are too easily discarded from my thoughts; things I didn’t used to think were important. I found that if I fill my head with these things there’s no time or space for those useless ones that have sharp edges. I use green ink because it’s the color of money, though if I could I’d write in gold.”
He blinked languidly at Cari for a moment then returned the book to the drawer. She backed away slowly keeping her eyes on Horace, for any sudden moves.
“Thanks Horace for coming clean like that. You didn’t have a worry that I might call the authorities to have you evaluated.” He smiled at her with all of his teeth. “Gotta go.”
At her desk Cari retrieved a small glittery notepad from her purse. She tore out several pages with reminders about shopping and dinner dates. She fished out a blue pen with a silvery tinge in the ink and wrote,
“November 7th : Horace Dunderpill convinced me that cynical realism doesn’t’ pay. Now I know a better way…to go on with things.”


(870 words)

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